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By John Helmer, Moscow

Timing is everything when you are telling jokes on stage; summing up for the jury in a murder trial; or when you are a general preparing to send your army over the top. Knock the comedian, lawyer, or general off his timing, and the laugh, the verdict, and the casualties will go against him.

John Mortimer, a London barrister and author of the Rumpole of the Bailey television show,  once told the story of a friend who was coming to the end of his final jury address when he saw the judge writing a note and handing it to the usher. When it was passed to the lawyer as he was speaking, he glanced down to read: “Dear Jim, I thought you’d like to know that your flies are open and I can see your cock.”

Cocks which show or crow – like boys crying wolf – don’t comprehend the risks they create for themselves, and others. This is how it is in Berlin for Olaf Scholz and in Washington for Joseph Biden right now. They can afford to be impervious to the derision they are drawing in Warsaw; not so to the reaction to their antics in Moscow.

In this broadcast by Chris Cook, Gorilla Radio blows the final whistle before we all go over the top (Germans first, then the Poles). Even former Secretary of State John Kerry, career liar that he’s been, is revealed to be blowing on the same whistle this time round.

Listen to the discussion by clicking on the broadcast link starting at Minute 29:30. If this link is not working at your location, click on this alternative

When it comes to the risibility of the cover stories currently reported as the official narrative in Poland and Sweden, Russians think the Swedes are more ridiculous than the Poles, as these current Russian anecdotes explain:

The invasion fleet of the alien space invaders is getting ready to attack Planet Earth. “We start the war with an attack on Poland,” the commander declares. “But General, why Poland?”. “For some reason this is how it always is on that planet.”

“Pope John Paul [born in Poland, a bishop of Cracow] came on a visit to Germany and decided to go to a simple, cheap supermarket. He went in and bought what he wanted. As he was leaving, the supermarket director rushed towards him with a bouquet of flowers. The Pope was touched and pleased. “Tell me, are these flowers for me because I am the Pope or am I your millionth customer.” The director replied: “Neither one nor the other — you are the first Pole who has not stolen anything from us!”

A Pole and a Frenchman are on the beach.  Around the Frenchman there is a crowd of women, but no one is paying attention to the Pole. He feels slighted and goes up to the Frenchman and asks: “Listen, why are you successful and I am not?” “Very simple,” the Frenchman replies. “I put a big cucumber in my swimming trunks, and the ladies fall for it. The Pole found himself a cucumber, put it in his swimming trunks, and starts walking along the beach. Again, the women shy away from him. He returns to the Frenchman to find out what was the matter. “Very simple,” the Frenchman replies. “I put the cucumber in my  trunks in front —  you put it in the back!”

 Why is the World Gay Congress always held in Stockholm? To save on transportation costs.

 The Swedes claim that they are descended from monkeys. However, the monkeys do not agree with this.” 

Once a troll, a witch, a Norwegian, and a clever Swede found a cake. Who got it? The Norwegian. This is because trolls, witches, and clever Swedes don’t really exist.”

A patient who is about to undergo a brain transplant is offered a choice: the brain of an Italian – 100 thousand krona; the brain of a German, 200 thousand;  the brain of a Swede,  1 million. The patient asks the surgeon: “Why is the Swedish brain so expensive?” “It’s never been used.”

Why are jokes about Swedes so short? So that they themselves can one day understand them.”

Gorilla Radio is broadcast every Thursday on CFUV 101.9 FM from the University of Victoria, British Columbia, Canada.  The radio station can be heard here .  The Gorilla Radio transcripts are also published on the blog. For Chris Cook’s broadcast archive, click to open.

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